Come be the flame upon my heart

Part of my creativity is my faith.  Take or leave my words how you will.  My faith is an important relationship between myself and the only father that I've ever really known.  This relationship is what drives everything else in my life, whether said or not. 

I had an assignment this week to write a letter telling God about what it is that my heart longs for.  Here it is:

Lord, my father,

I am suppose to write you a letter- telling you about the things my heart wants.  I struggle heavily with this concept, because you are my father and with love-- I fear you.  I feel it isn’t my place to tell you what I want; as you are my creator and lay hands to my future.  I trust you and know that your plans for my life are perfect what you have designed for me.  As a daughter-- a human daughter of my worldly parents--a human daughter of my worldly parents-- I was raised that hopes and desires don’t belong to me.  I struggle, knowing that I am released from those chains.  But, you know my life has been filled with hardships and toil.  You have always brought me out of hard times, but I don’t know how to dream.   Out of obedience, I write these words to you.

Lord, I ask that you  put a passion and peace on my heart.  Reveal to me, the things that I want through a peace and fiery passion on my heart.  Let me burn bright and solid; intense but pure.

I want my kids to go to sleep!  I want my kids to stop fighting!  I want my kids to behave and be obedient!  I want a lot of money!  I want a new car and another car that doesn’t break all the time!  I want, I want, I want and I also want things to be exactly how I want them and Lord, I want them NOW!!!!!  These are the things that I say in the moments where I feel discouraged, impatient, weary, afraid or unheard.  But are these things exactly what I really want??  That’s like asking for happiness to last forever!  Why would I ask for such a curse?  To want something is like demanding permanence, in something that is meant to be fleeting.  Happiness is not joy.  I dare not confuse the two. 

What  I desire is for all of my personality traits to have purpose in your perfect plan.  (..and please correct areas that need correction too.)  Lord, please use all of me!  Use every fiber of my being for your purpose.  Let me walk to you, in you and for you.  Reveal your plan for my life.  Let this fiery heart mean something to you.  Unleash my desires by revealing my heart to myself and then let me communicate what I find back to you.  Take away all of this confusion and shield me from my enemy.  Let me be blinded to everything but you, oh Lord!    Lord, I want to be a daughter that you delight in.  Let my heart be like a tender reed.  Break my heart of the things that break yours.  Let me be enamored with the things that delight your heart.  Let me be filled with a divine creativity that enables me to see  the beauty life, the way you see it.
Lord, come be the flame upon my heart.  Pursue my longing heart.

Faithfully,
Carrie